I wonder when I can lead my own life and be in control of my own destiny. I don't want anyone to disrupt my life other than bb. He is my happy problem. Looking at other ppl's happiness, I wondered what mistake so grave that I have committed that god had to give me this kind of punishment. Is it wrong for me to plan? Strange, what has this world evolved into?

Then again, I'm sure god has it's reasons for not giving me another child. Because he wants to have one less victim in the event that I decide to part. I'm sorry bb, if mummy have to
Ake this decision. I want you to not grow up in a quarrelsome family. I'm sure both of us can be happy too. You will understand my decision when you grow up, and you will be able to make your own judgement then.